Tag Archives: personal

I have been tricked…

I have been making a considerable effort to improve myself academically over the past few months. I think I have been doing pretty well in terms of keeping to my study routine and I very much enjoy doing it. Today I decided to do a simple test, though I did not intend to do so; it just happened that I had nothing else to do this evening. The result was rather disappointing. I could have done vastly better, but I took it for granted that I used to deal with this type of test many years before. Consequently, it should have been a piece of cake. As arrogant as I was, I carelessly read the passage and answered half of the questions incorrectly. It is bugging me that I failed to be thorough in what I have just done. On the positive side, I have learned a lesson from this experience. I will certainly pay closer attention when I do the test next time. I cannot remember who said this: “an optimist always sees an opportunity in every difficulty”.  In my case, I see a chance to improve myself and learn from this mistake.

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I need a day to decompress

I have been learning like mad since I came back from my holiday. I have been stretching myself too much trying to gain knowledge for the past few weeks and feel too exhausted to keep it up. It gets more and more difficult to concentrate on what I am studying. It is time for me to mellow out a bit.

Initially, I was going to write something to make fun of the Eurovision song contest; to say how cheesy the event was, but yesterday I was slightly sick with a bit of a headache and nauseous feeling. I ended up doing nothing in particular except for sitting in front of the telly and watching some evening programmes for a couple of hours. As the time passed the pain in my head gradually eased away, as did the day, leaving me without the chance to do more productive things.

Today I am determined to do nothing at all apart from indulging myself in reading “Audition”. So far the story has developed slowly and it will continue at a steady pace until it reaches the climax and its shocking ending. As I watched the film adaption of the book, I already know what will happen. Knowing what it is all about spoils the book a bit; yet the novel is still a good read. Just so that you are aware, there is also an upcoming movie adapted from another book of Ryu Murakami called, “Coin Locker Babies”.

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On a night like this

If I were in the land of smiles, I would be runnning around all over the place right now. My daily life is just starting when dusk falls. But sadly, this is not Thailand and neither do I have many choices for recreation at this time of the day when the nights suddenly turn cold. All I can do is to sit in front of the computer and try to come up with something to write on my blog.

I do not dislike this particular time of year. It is a bit cold but also is romantic in some way, especially during the night in a cosy house. The atmosphere is calm and meditative. Sporadically, though during a day and night like this, I will spend time thinking and brooding on things, whether something related to the past or present or even the future. Having said that, if I carry on reflecting on things for too long, somehow, what I am dwelling on can drive me mad. I wish I could go out and meet people, but then again… This is not Bangkok or any big city in Thailand where you can just go out and have a great time every night of your life with your friends, talking about various issues or nothing at all aside from having fun and forgetting things that are bothering you. Where I live is only a small town in a foreign country. Its nightlife is ok, but not great.

What else can I do to cheer myself up? I might simply go to bed and slip under the duvet, but not before I reorganise my stuff such as books and other things to make the room smaller and warmer. I could also listen to my Ipod while being bathed in candlelight. After that, who knows, I might just fall asleep and dream. I hope it is a good one.

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Filed under personal, UK

I can sleep without you, but I don’t want to

It is a very strange feeling that when you had no one and lived by yourself, somehow you were able to live from day to day without anything bothering your mind. These days, things have greatly changed; for instance, from the moment when you awake every morning, you have to look for that person who is a part of your life. And you will always feel restless when that person is away, especially when, through the window, you see him or her walking out of the house. I guess everybody must feel the same about seeing his or her loved ones departing, whether husbands are going to work or children are leaving for school. You just wonder if he or she will have a good day; and the most important thing is that you want to see that person arrive home safely. It does not matter if last night you had a big fight with him or her, because, at the end of the day, it is so unimportant. What matters for you is to be able to be with that loved one again until death do us part. Isn’t this just a fact?

P.S. You might need a sick bucket after reading this!

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R for Rant

I woke up sharply with a morning glory. While I was trying to walk steadily to the toilet, I tried to force myself not to glance at those David Foster Wallace books on the bookshelf, standing amongst my many other beloved books. It was quite hard for me, mentally and physically, to get over his sudden demise and my morning glory but before long I managed to ease the latter. I finished breakfast pretty quickly and went back upstairs to tidy the bed. After finishing this chore, I decided to carry on reading a novel by some third rate writer. The story is not mighty appealing; it is something to do with a guy who has to juggle with his work and family life with his wife, ex-wife and his son. After reading a few pages, I was overwhelmed with boredom and tossed the book back to where it belongs. I then decided to check on news of the bygone American writer on the internet. I ‘googled’ and found one particularly interesting article about DFW, which is on the Guardian website: “the commencement speech the author gave to a graduating class at Kenyon College, Ohio“. It was a very good speech. You might want to check it out. I liked what I was reading so much so that I wanted to print it out. As things turned out, though, there was a problem while I was trying to get the article onto the paper. Frustratingly, I was fiddling with it for quite a while before making the decision to copy the whole text to a Word document. In the end, I got what I wanted. I had a bit of time left before lunch, so I felt I wanted to read that third rate novel again. I managed to read only four pages as I was quite hungry and it was already three o’clock in the afternoon. Well, this is normally my lunch time and I usually get up around eleven o’clock. After lunch, I initially headed to the bathroom for a shower, but I suddenly realised that there was something that needed to be sorted out: Marie Antoinette, the paperback written by Antonia Fraser has got a crease along its spine. I tried my best to fix it although I thought it would be impossible, and it really was. Another aggravation attack, I shoved the book back in the cupboard. Standing in the shower, I was still unable to get DFW out of my head. However, this time I was pissed off at the many opportunistic booksellers who, overnight, have increased the price of his books. I strongly recommend that anyone who has never read his work before should wait for a while until the story of this tragic event dwindles before getting one of this wonderful writer’s books. I turned on the tap to wash away the fuss that was flooding my mind. Seconds later, I felt at ease and quickly had a strong urge to release the tension in my “bone”. Whenever I have done this, it was simply a banging experience. You know very well what I mean. Subsequently, I manicured my hands a bit by cutting my finger nails and softened them with lotion. And then, I was in a state of MILF which is short for “Man! I’d like food.” I did not understand why I felt hungry again. I then got dressed, came downstairs and had dinner. Amazingly, I managed three meals in the short period of time I had been awake – this is normal for me. There was not a lot to do so I came back to the computer to start composing this post. I had been doing it for a few minutes, when I had to go to do other things. Hours later, back at the computer again, I am sitting here not knowing what to say and trying to think of something other than DFW, but I have nothing else to tell, not for today. I have had enough.

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Filed under Book, News, personal

Birthday

It is a very special day for one of my friends. I wonder what she is doing right now. Is she going out for a celebration or just staying at home with her family and friends? Whatever she is doing, I would love to wish her great happiness on her birthday. It is a shame that I am unable to greet her in person; but saying it on a Birthday card and via an email will do.

Personally, I do not usually have a big party for my birthday. For all I can remember, I had a Birthday cake party once in my life. It was a very nice cake, especially as it was made by my big sister. It was not exactly a proper one; its ingredients consisted mainly of flour, you might call it a loaf of bread. Somehow she managed to make something out of it as a gift for me. I cannot recall whether I and the others who were with me at the time, enjoyed it or not. All I know is that I was chuffed, everyone was in such a festive mood and I could see the smile on my sister’s face.

Somebody once told me that the best way to celebrate the day when you were born is to go to see your mother – unless you are living abroad when saying thank you to her on the phone will do – to give her a big hug and express your gratitude for what she has done for you; i.e. carrying you in her womb for nine months, bringing you up, feeding you, sanitising you when you made a mess of yourself and the most important is that the love that your mother gives is eternal. For that reason, a birthday ought to be a time to recognise how nice your mother is. That’s the way it should be. Undoubtedly, every mum would be deeply appreciative.

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