Monthly Archives: April 2011

Watersports hood

You have to admire the person who came up with the idea of creating this hood. This person must be perversely creative and into this kind of thing. Being drowned like this is not exactly my cup of tea and I don’t think it would ever be a pleasurable experience for me to receive this kind of blessing; nor would I like to give it to anybody either. I would not even dream of participating in this fetish. As disgusting as it may sound, for some people, being down on their knees and given “human lager” – sexually – must be a real kick. It is not too difficult to guess what the giver, or givers will do to the person wearing this mask. The direction where the flowing water will go is pretty obvious. The recipient could easily gag or choke unless he or she can guzzle it down very quickly. You can see the picture in your head, can’t you? It is a great shame that Songkran has already finished this year, otherwise I might have advised Farang men to buy this headgear and take it with them to Thailand. In spite of it being used for a specific and perverted purpose, in my eyes it could also be used as a protective shield against the barrage of water coming from the locals during Songkran. I can imagine what my fellow countrymen would say if they saw a Farang man wearing this thing over his head. The response would be: “It’s just a funnel hood, mate. It is what we normally use when we are taking part in water sports. It is a Caucasian thing!” “But what kind of a water sport?”, the locals might ask.

Everyone needs a good blessing from time to time!

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Because it is Songkran

During Songkran the entire nation is allowed to go wild and many Thais tend to adopt this attitude. People will behave in a way that they don’t normally do. For instance, a lot of people will get drunk and some will even carry a bottle of whisky with them as they venture outside on trucks to have a water fight with other Thais on the road. Then the alcohol will be shared and given to complete strangers. To some people, Songkran is a time when they can get wet and wasted at the same time. Normally  the police will not condone this kind of behaviour. Nevertheless, there will always be some people who misbehave during Songkran such as by fighting or groping women. Then the police will have to swing into action to deal with the problem. But what happens when people start to go nude?

It depends on the circumstances. I once experienced an unforgettable Songkran when a bunch of transgenders, who came out of nowhere, appeared in the neighbourhood. They used the area as their base to launch an all-out assault on everyone who happened to be in the vicinity. Not only did they bombard people with water, some of these “ladies” also daringly exhibited intimate parts of their bodies for everybody to see. Their action caused a severe traffic jam in the area; people stopped their trucks to have a good look. A couple of these “ladies” even lifted their skirts and hosed their beavers down. This was the first time that I had ever seen the secret part of a transgender and the whole thing was taking place in broad daylight. Aside from revealing all, they also accosted a few men and began to undress these unfortunate guys. It was not the first time that I had seen other men’s butts! People witnessing this spectacle did not seem to be outraged and many just stood there in awe. My friends and I, on the other hand, were watching this spectacle in laughter. Later, I saw two policemen coming in our direction. I thought they were going to take action against these mischievous “women”, but they just stood next to me chuckling. I noticed that there was an alcoholic smell emanating from their bodies. Seeing that they were already wet and a bit tipsy, I decided to give them a full Songkran. I threw a bucket of water at them and then covered their faces with baby powder mixed with water. There was nothing they could do to stop this attack – since it was Songkran – they just had to take it like men. I do not know why, but I ended up grabbing one of the officers’ shoulders and kissing him gently on the cheek. I cannot explain why I did that – except for being somewhat intoxicated – but at that moment I just felt like it. In normal circumstances, I would never ever dare to do such a thing, let alone go near them. Before the two officers departed, I wished them a happy Songkran.

If you ask me what caused a few girls to behave inappropriately during this Songkran, my answer is in the title of this post.

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Bell Nuntrita on the Woody Show – with full English Subtitles

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Everyone needs to get wet from time to time

I always like Songkran. It is a good time when people in Thailand can enjoy splashing water at each other. Everyone is permitted to do that without worrying that someone might be angry; or even if some people are upset because of getting wet, nobody will give a damn. During Songkran, you are supposed to be drenched with water. I strongly recommend that people who are scared of water and don’t want to be soaked stay indoors throughout this joyful period. I hope my advice will not be too difficult to heed.

I find it funny that some Farang men bitterly complain about Songkran. These people should be aware what it is all about and try to avoid it if they don’t appreciate this tradition. Your clothes can be ruined by filthy water, powder or whatever people use during Songkran. This is why you don’t see the locals wearing smart clothes when they go out throwing water at one another. Your electronic devices may also suffer. To avoid this problem, the easy solution is not to take them with you when you go out. I thought the main reason why these Farangs came to Thailand was to have a good time and get wet. These men seem to gripe about being doused during Songkran but they don’t seem to be particularly discontent when they have to kneel down and implore a “bar boy” or a “bar girl” to release his or her blessing all over their faces. I don’t see the distinction between being saturated in Songkran and getting wet in water sports. Both are the same to me. But if you ask some Farang men which they think is nicer – and warmer – I have no doubt that their answer would be unanimous: the latter.

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Adult services from a Thai lady

The local advertisement leaflet was delivered to my door today.  As usual its content contains trivial information. I have never paid attention to it until today when somebody at home showed me one advertisement. The title grabbed my attention straight away, i. e. “Adult Services”. The lines following provided more details about who will deliver these services: “Thai lady offering adult services. In calls and out calls available. I am available from Monday to Saturday between 12 Midday to late. Please call to find out more …”. I won’t reveal the telephone number here. The final line is “withheld numbers and texts will not be answered.”

I did not expect to see this kind of advertisement from a Thai person in this country. I guess this person just wants to go back to her roots and do what she normally does best. I think the lady who provides these “adult services” could be a hit. It depends on what kinds of services she offers to her customers. Her talents might well be sought after by people in this town. I suspect that the majority of her potential customers would be men. I am tempted to give her a call to say “Sawasdee krap” and find out what she really means by ‘adult services’. I would also like to ask her if she provides any extra services as well. What she does might turn out to be just a massage or simply releasing the tension in her customers’ bones. It is good to know that not only did she come to live in the same town as me, she also brought with her the skills to satisfy the locals. They will be very impressed.

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The world’s first Daddy Pride was in Thailand?

I saw a lot of fat Farang men during my trip to Thailand. They seemed to be omnipresent. I first encountered one in the lounge toilet at Heathrow airport. Forgetting to lock the door, I was startled to see the chubby gentleman pushing it open. Well, it was my fault. Still, it was a funny incident.

On the plane, there was one sitting in the middle row, diagonally in front of me. The guy seemed to be particularly excited about his holiday. One might assume that it was his first time travelling to the Land of Smiles. He was particularly talkative. He took great pleasure in conversing with his mates. For a moment, I wondered if I was sitting in cattle class. Fortunately, owing to his tiredness, he spent the rest of the journey bunked down with his mouth shut. I tried not to look in his direction though I could not resist the temptation to cast a glance at him from time to time. He had a rather rounded belly. When he raised his arms, his t-shirt moved upwards too. How fortunate I was to be able to view his pregnant-like tummy so intimately. It must have been my lucky day that day.

On the journey back to Bangkok from the place where I had spent such a lovely time resting in beautiful surroundings, again, at the airport, I witnessed another foreign daddy making a spectacle of himself. He was totally intoxicated. His face was flushed. His t-shirt was unbuttoned, baring his fat hairy gut for everyone to see. He walked around the area, demonstrating his daddiness for the world to see, as well as pestering a couple of female foreigners. It was not difficult to guess where the gentleman came from due to his accent. I’d prefer not to express it.

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Some parents have no understanding of their child’s unconventional sexual identity

People like Khun Bell will always have a hard time convincing their parents to accept them for what they are. Some are disowned by them and others are forced to do things that they do not want to. Some parents drive their effeminate sons to undertake physical activities like macho sports. I am glad to say that some of my friends who were born that way did not have to suffer the same experience. Their folks were not particularly overjoyed with their unmanly behaviour but they never strove to transform my friends. Their parents acknowledged their sexual identity. However, from time to time, they would grumble about them; about the fact that they tended to wear a lot of make-up and spend an unreasonable amount of time in the bathroom and so on.

A close friend of mine who was not effeminate, but happened to fancy both men and women, had a bit of a battle with his mother. His mother had not been aware of her son’s sexual proclivities until there was a rumour about him holding hands with another boy, also a friend of mine, at college. Apparently, it was a big deal to her. They had been doing it for ages and nobody at the college cared remotely about their overly intimate behaviour towards each other. Occasionally we ribbed them about it light heartedly. One day, at her house, she overheard their flirtatious conversation. I was there too, but I was not paying particular attention to these two love birds. After I returned home, I ended up having a long conversation with her regarding this affair on the phone. Since I was very close to her and she always treated me like her child, I could not bring myself to lie to her. Besides, I saw nothing wrong with the way the two of them behaved. I confirmed the rumour. She asked me whether they were boyfriends. I told her that I did not think so, but they were exceptionally close. The other guy also had a girlfriend and ‘N’ – her son – was aware of that too. She was clearly upset and confused. She assumed that he would want to become a woman in the future and was worried that she would not be able to afford the cost of his sex reassignment surgery. She was thinking too much and being paranoid. As well as liking this guy, ‘N’ was dating a lass too. She told me if that was what he wanted to be, she was prepared to approve of his way of life, despite her confusion, as long as it made him happy.

Immediately after I hung up the phone, I had to respond to another call. It was from ‘N’. He had been eavesdropping the tete-a-tete and wanted to know what else she had interrogated me about. I recounted the matter to him. I told him she wanted to have a proper chat with him, but she was worried about him becoming angry with her. I did not encourage him to talk to her because I knew he would not. It would be better to just leave it like nothing had happened.

I was nonplussed by the news, a few years ago, that he now has a daughter. He had finally stopped being confused and discovered who he truly wanted to be. Each time I go back to Thailand, I am tempted to give him a ring and ask what he has been doing with his life. One thing for sure, he is probably more grown-up than me.

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